Taliban Infiltrates the Drug Runners

In what President Bush dubbed a "disturbing event in the course of national security," it was discovered early Sunday that a member of the Taliban has gained entry and acceptance into the secure and secretive Drug Runner society. The perpetrator, known as Osama Bin Meekoola, a distant cousin of Bin Laden, developed a friendship with Drug Runner President Jeff Andreoli, and eventually acceptance into the organization.

"I am greatly troubled by the events that have taken place," said a visibly shaken Andreoli, seen above with Bin Meekoola in happier times. "What I thought was a poorly groomed hippie turned out to be a terrorist seeking to destroy not just the Drug Runners, but the fabric of the American way of life. It just goes to show you that you have to be careful who you can trust. Bin was quite a nice guy though, and he certainly could throw back the brewskies."

As a result, President Bush raised the Terror Threat Level to High, causing unanticipated delays at airports around the country due to enhanced security checks. Bomb sniffing dogs and armed Don Knotts Security personnel were seen patrolling the Drug Runners headquarters late Sunday. Andreoli said that all current Drug Runners will undergo a complete background check, and potential members will be carefully screened in order to prevent a catastrophic disaster.