When Yuengling Brewery offered to provide free beer after the Lowry Park Zoo Run on December 5th, they had no idea that the Drug Runners would be participating. The Drug Runners, known for running like a track team and drinking like a rugby team, are poised to set a new alcohol consumption record at the event. As a result, Yuengling Brewery has been working round-the-clock to ensure an adequate supply. “We thought it’d be a good idea to support the race and a good cause, and provide some free beer in the process,” stated Yuengling CEO Chet Lemchak. “Little did we know that the Drug Runners would be there, what with their iron stomachs and stout livers. I can only imagine the carnage they will inflict on our tasty brew. Oh the horror!”
On Wall Street, Yeungling stock was down over 25% as investors sold their shares in anticipation of what is expected to be major losses for the brewery. As a result, Yuengling beer, which is often offered at a very affordable price, will jump into the Heineken price range.
“We’ve put breweries out of business before,” said a confident Drug Runner Jim Nunamaker. “Let this be a warning. If you’re going to offer free beer to the Drug Runners, you better have a production capacity the size of Budweiser.”
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